I cant stand myself, sometimes. The way i feel, the way i am. Why cant i be in peace like before…Itd be so fucken nice. Though, itd be nice to get away from here as well. Would that make me feel any different though? Or is it that deep inside of me? What holes am i trying to fill? And more importantly, why. 1. Im the loser who didnt finish school, consumed by drugs. 2. Im the one who cant get another job, i hate people. 3. My hunger for art has died down, i drink too much. 4. Who am i now? i hate myself. 5. Why cant we love like before? i ruined it. 6. Why do i feel this way? he touched you. 7. Why do i feel this way? they cant stand you. 8. Why do i feel this way? Im disgusting.

My feelings and actions, Theyre shaping me into this disgusting sad being. One I wished i would no longer portray. And for years ive let this swallow me whole. Lately, I cant do nothing but sleep. Cause sleep lets me dream of fantastic things. Where i fly endlessly, free from everything. But when the negative invades this deep sleep, all goes to shit. Im dragged back to what im desperately trying to avoid. Taken back to the very fact of wanting what i cant have. To the constant arguing, with myself. to everything.

You’re not mine. I’m not yours. Yet you still insist on fucking, kissing, checking up on who I’m talking to. Hanging out with…..Reading my texts, But if I attempt to do the same you’ll flip out, hide it, and most of all…Deny it. Well, Fuck you. It’s most definitely unfair. yeah i may have been terrible before, but I’ve owned up to it and apologized for it. Many times, when you kept bringing it up, using it against me…When i had changed completely. Honestly, i believe you just wanted an excuse to do what you want, be a total dick, an excuse to fucken hurt me on purpose. soon enough you’ll miss me again..but this time I won’t give in. I deserve better, better than this.

Gears 3, Black Ops, And GtaIV Add Me, GT: marlaroo